The "and" the "or" and self

The nazi philosopher, Heidegger, wrote that being to a certain extent is being with.  It can be said that the self is largely composed to two tendencies, the "and" - the urge towards union with others, and the "or" the urge for differentiation, for self expression.  To an extent, these forces are always at tension with each other.   When one of these tendencies predominates, one feels the force of the other urging for its expression.  A mother who spends every waking moment with her small children craves a moment for her self.  A miser who spends all his time alone, becomes lonely.  A relatively healthy person can be defined as one for whom these forces are in relative balance.

Of course, the "and" and "or" define not only each individual's relationship with other people, but his or her relationship with the physical environment.  A person who is excessively self absorbed is often not in a relationship, or has an attenuated relationship with the physical environment around him, his "or" is predominating.   A person so continually absorbed by the environment that he or she never thinks of self, never pauses to examine or evaluate his or her actions, has a predominant "and".   Those who believe in the superiority of Eastern philosophy, which condemns any subject object duality, and argue that it is the scourge of Western thought,  would probably argue that there is no "and" or "or".   We are perfectly one with the world around us.  In my view, this is an idealistic illusion.  What makes humans human is a self awareness, a sense that the self has some independence from others, that the self has certain needs, both physical and emotional, that have to be actualized.  This is, according to psychologists, an important stage of a child's cognitive development.   The sense of having one's own awareness of needs of course involves the "or".  However, these needs generally relate to other people (such as the need for love) and the environment.  Thus, the actualization of these needs necessarily requires the "and".  Thus, the "or" is largely dependent upon the "and".  But it is the "or" which often initiates action.  Thus, the "and" is just as dependent upon the "or" as the "or" is dependent upon the "and".  The "and", such as the need for love, is often what gives impetus to the "or", the feeling that I can be myself, that my needs are satisfied, when the "and" is actualized.
Thus, there is a constant interplay between the "or" and the "and" that defines all human action.